Terror-In-A-Can Part I

I'm not a fan of the modern horror movie genre. I've seen my fair share. Don't care for them much. They are an entirely different breed from the old school monster movies from back in the day (did you like how I juxtaposed the mentioning of classical movies with modern day slang? Cool, huh?)

I've decided that it's not the blood-and-guts (even though that's not good). It's not the bad acting. It's not even the fact that their entire purpose is to put fear into the viewer (which, spiritually speaking, is generally considered a bad thing).

(Did I mention I like Facebook better than MySpace?)

No, the problem is their predictability. Here is my hypothesis:

98.6% of modern horror movies are a loose plot with stale characters, on which a series of "stock scenes" are hung.

To prove my point. Here's how to make your own horror movie (if you are interested).

1. Pick your setting. I recommend doing this first because it makes steps #2 and #4 easier. A spooky and/or creepy location is preferred. Or, at times, an everyday location can be effective because of the juxtaposition of horror with everyday life. Your choice.
2. Pick a villain. The villain should somehow relate to #1, the location. It would be somewhat silly to have a killer scarecrow haunting a space station. No wait...I think I've seen that one.
3. Determine why/how your villain exists. Was he created by an experiment gone wrong? Maybe he was unjustly murdered. Was he (or she) the victim of a bizarre electrolysis accident? Did someone build something on top of his/her graveyard/burialground/tomb? You get the idea.
4. Pick your victim group. Group of teenagers? Average family (with at least one cute kid)? Stranded travelers or vacationers? Just moved into town? Again, this should probably relate to #1.
5. Select several scenes from the stock set of horror movie scenes (to be detailed in upcoming blogs). This step is totally independent of steps #1 - #4. It doesn't matter if the setting is a farm town or an urban mall. The scenes are all the same.
   
6. Type a rough outline of points #1 - #5.
7. Film the movie.

I believe it's that simple. Tune in next time, where we will discuss the first of the "stock scenes".

Bonus thought:
I used the phrase "tune in next time" in the previous sentence. I wonder if in ten years teenagers will even understand where that phrase came from, or even what it means? There will be no analog television. Most will listen to music on iPods, the internet, or satellite radio, so there will be no radios to tune. In their day-to-day lives, there will be no "tuning" involved (unless they play the clarinet). I'm old enough to remember really tuning our TV. For the UHF channels (that's the higher numbers, for you young'uns out there), you actually turned a dial on the TV to hone in on a particular channel.

Just thinking.

MySpace Is Out - Facebook Is In

Okay, okay. I know that MySpace and Facebook are old news, but I just created a Facebook page, and it's cool. Not my page specifically, but Facebook itself.

Did you know that you can link to your blog from Facebook. It will automatically pull your blog into your Facebook page. Myspace won't do that (not that I can figure out). It has a wonderful photo uploading tool, and just works well in general.

Check out what RhettandLink think about it:



So, for those of you who have been catching up with me on MySpace...

Sorry! I'm phasing it out. It's dead to me.

Helen, GA - Mark II

My last post was a small little thing...but it yielded what I think is the funniest comment on my blog to date. Please enjoy:

You know...the pictures of your vacation looked so nice, I really thought I should visit there.
But unfortunately Tonya is working and wouldn't be able to go.
So I said "Tonya, I'm thinking about visiting Helen."
"What?" she said. "Who's Helen?"
"Helen's in Georgia," I said. "Would you be willing to run the store for a few days while I go there?"
"To Georgia?" she said.
"Yeah," I said.
"To visit Helen?" she said.
"Exactly!" I said, happy that she finally understood.

I need a place to stay. For some strange reason she's upset with me.

I have a comment on my blog from an internationally published author!

Helen, GA

So the family and I went to Helen on Monday. (Jeff - did you catch that? I started with "so". And I hyperlinked to your post...)

It was very, very nice. The town is beautiful, the food is great (at least what we had was), and the countryside is amazing. You can float down the river in an innertube (which we didn't do), hike up to see beautiful Ruby Falls (which we did), or take a carriage ride around town (which we did).






Here is a beautiful tree growing on a boulder (Ruby Falls).











Here is one half of the beautiful twin waterfalls of Ruby Falls.












Here is my beautiful wife and son.




It's late. I'm. going. to. bed.

O Power, Where Are Thou?

You know, I find that I love life's little conveniences. You know what I'm talking about, right? Like turning on the light, and the light turning on. Or another example would be your computer monitor having colors and such on it, instead of it just being black.

We had a nice little thunderstorm come through Atlanta today. West of my house, their power stayed on. Just north of us...everything okay! How's the east doing? Still cookin' with power. Southside? Aw, yeah! We're lit up!

My house?

Pitch black.

Apparently a power line went down about 300 yards from my house, only effecting my neighborhood.

"So, Aaron, how are you blogging?" you might ask. "On your trusty laptop at a cool Starbuck's Coffee Shoppe?" (I spelled shoppe like that so I would feel like I was in England) No, I'm blogging from my friend Joshua's laptop sitting in his spare room. My fam is bunking at the Perkin's abode tonight.

In Atlanta, in the summer, no electricity+ thunderstorm = incredible heat and humidity.

For all of you that thought this blog was going to be my much awaited (haha) blog about our vacation...sorry! That's have to wait until tomorrow...when I have POWER!!!

Softball Consequences

We played softball after church yesterday.



Ow.





To simulate my experience, please take the following steps:

1. Find a recreational softball game that you may participate in
2. Garner the assistance of an "average-sized" friend
3. Strap said friend to your back
4. Play 7 innings of softball
5. Take 5 Advil (or ibuprofen, if you prefer to purchase generic meds)

It was actually a lot of fun. And very apropos.

Our Pastor, Jeremy, is teaching a series on being determined to live differently and to make more room for God in our lives. The series topic yesterday was really just focused on taking care of ourselves. It revolved around the idea that if we are Kingdom people, and we want to be about Kingdom business, we really need to take care of ourselves. It's hard to "go and do" when all you want to do is "sit and lay". (This is a drastic over-simplification of a very well thought out and delivered message.)

Coincidentally, our church softball game was scheduled right after this message. As I was standing on second base, wishing I had a 3rd, and possibly 4th, lung, I appreciated how good the timing of this game was. It brought into stark reality MY need to get into better shape.

Gotta go, we are heading out for our 1 day budget vacation!

Vacation!!

Since we transplanted to Georgia from Texas a year and half ago, most of our vacation time has been spent going to see family and friends in Texas. I don't mind that at all. That's why I drive 11 - 14 hours to go see them. I love them and miss them.

However, that's not a "vacation". Mostly because when we get back we are pretty worn out from the driving. We've done a few Saturday things since we moved here. We've gone to Stone Mountain, to the Mall of Georgia, and done a little sight-seeing. But, it's always been on the weekend.

Next Monday...I've taken Monday off!! The whole day. As my friend Bob would say: Woohoo!!!

The "fam" and I are going to Helen, Georgia!! We are going to take in the sites, raft down the river, eat some type of German sausage, learn more about the origins of the polka, and enjoy some quality family time.

And the winner is...

For Outstanding Comedy in the Comedy Category, the winner is:

The Princess Bride!

Without a doubt, one of the funniest movies ever made. In second place (and it was a close second) was A Fish Called Wanda. Also a very funny movie.

"How close was it?", you might ask. One vote. That's right...one! Of course, Princess Bride only got 3 votes as the winner, so that means Wanda got 2. Three other movies tied for third with one vote each. When you only have 8 total votes, they tend to be pretty close races.

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Now, if you have NOT seen the Princess Bride, you really ought to see it. This is a PG movie that is suitable for most all ages (there is one "expletive", and some pretty intense scenes...but what do you expect, it's PG, not G). It has some of the best, most quotable lines of any movie. I mean, come on, it has Andre the Giant in it, you know it has to be good!

Addiction, Addition, and Additives

(UP FRONT DISCLAIMER: I by no means intend to make light of drug and alcohol addiction. My family has dealt with both, and chemical addiction is no laughing matter.)

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These are a few of my favorite things:

Favorite food: cheeseburger (preferably with mustard, pickles, and jalapenos)
Favorite other food: steak (medium rare)
Favorite other other food: anything made from potatoes that does not involve the liver of an animal

Those of you that have been with me since we started this journey (see The Seven Commandments to catch up), already know that one of the main mountains in life that I am attempting to climb is weight loss. Like I said before, my metabolism is such that, in the event of a nuclear winter, I will be the last man standing.

Now, here's the deal...and you may have already thought of this...but dealing with a bad eating habit is really, really tough. You may be saying, "But Aaron, it's not like food has addictive substances in it like drugs do." That may or may not be true, but consider this:

Let's say I am a smoker. Then one day, I decide to quit, and with the help of Chantix, I do. I never buy another pack or smoke another cigarette again. Great!!

Now, let's pretend I am addicted to (insert drug name here). Then I get help, and through much adversity, I get clean. I never touch (insert drug name here) again. Fantastic!!

Finally, let's apply that to my current problem:

One day I get serious about weight loss. So I set my mind to making a change, and I never eat another bite... Hold on!!

You have to eat!!

Asking a habitual overeater to "cut back" is very similar to telling an alcoholic, "You really ought to quit drinking so much. Let's just keep to one beer in the morning and two in the afternoon. Okay?"

I'm giving it my best go. For example, I am blogging right now instead of eating the yogurt I was going to grab earlier.

Yum...yogurt...gotta go!

Favorite Comedy of All Time

So, just for experiment's sake, I put a little poll in the sidebar of my blog with just a few choices for favorite movie. I've now dumped that poll and put up a new one with a little bit more extensive list and specifically focused on Comedy.

This is a list of some of my favorites, plus some that I pulled off of "Top 25" lists, etc. By the way, for my younger readers, I am not endorsing or recommending any movie listed. I also purposefully stayed away from newer movies. I believe that "There's Something About Mary" is the newest movie and it is now 10 years old. Please note they are listed alphabetically...no favoritism there from me!

If your favorite movie is not in the list, then please stick it in a comment. If your favorite movie IS in the list, feel free to still drop a comment about why, or what that particular movie means to you.

This isn't just a filler blog to me. I always think it is interesting to hear what appeals to people, and why.

The poll is over on the right. Vote away!!

Rhythm & Hues - It Rocks

Hey!! Here's a link to the AJC (Atlanta's major paper). There's a cool article about the coffeehouse venue we have at the church I attend. Once a month...hold on, just read the article. It tells you everything!

Rhythm & Hues

Thanks. Just wanted to give them a plug.

Independence Day and Overeating

Well, you may or may not have read my last post, but suffice it to say that I am trying to eat more healthily. I have to say, though, that to me, the 4th of July = Independence...and independence = hot dogs. That's right, hot dogs. Perro calientes.

My son's birthday is tomorrow, (happy birthday Nathanael), so we had a little party for him today. And, of course, I grilled hot dogs. All beef, because I am allergic to chicken, and lots o' them.

On those hot dogs I put mustard and my wife's homemade jalapeno pickle relish. Yum, yum!! Let's see...today I broke 3 of the 7 rules. Not bad. But, hey, it is a holiday! Calories are free on holidays, right?!?!

Also, as a gentle reminder about fireworks safety, please view the following video from my pals (I don't really know them, just exchanged a couple of emails), Rhett and Link.

Freelance Fireworks Hall of Fame

Have a great 4th weekend!

The Seven Commandments

I think I am going to try them again. The Seven Commandments, I mean.

Just as God gave Moses 10 Commandments, he gave Aaron (me, not Moses' brother) these Seven Commandments. These seven commandments (or laws, if you will) are something that I used before to lose weight. I didn't stick with it, though, so of course, what weight I had lost I gained back.

Without further ado, here they are:

The SEVEN COMMANDMENTS!!!

1. Thou shalt eateth modest portions - of seconds, thou shalt haveth noneth
2. Thou shalt NOT partake of the sweet drinks - sugar shall be as the dung of the camel to thee
3. Thou shalt NOT eateth sweets or desserteths
   
4. When the 9th hour has past, NO MORE shall passeth your lips until the cock crows at the rising of the sun
   
5. Fast Food shall be far from thy mouth, as the East is from the West
6. Thou shalt eateth healthy snacks, but thou shalt NOT grazeth
7. Honor the Sabbath and keepeth it holy by eatingeth whatever you want
   

Sounds easy, right? Hard-e-har-har.

Losing weight has always been difficult for me. I have a great metabolism...if you are trying to survive a nuclear winter.

My ultimate plan is to lose 100+ pounds, write a book about it, get rich, then maintain my new figure with expensive surgeries and highly paid personal trainers.

But seriously...I've put it out here on the entire WWW for everyone (both of you) to read, so I have a high degree of accountability. Maybe this will be a subject I blog on periodically.

Well better go. I need a snack!