Terror-In-A-Can Part I

I'm not a fan of the modern horror movie genre. I've seen my fair share. Don't care for them much. They are an entirely different breed from the old school monster movies from back in the day (did you like how I juxtaposed the mentioning of classical movies with modern day slang? Cool, huh?)

I've decided that it's not the blood-and-guts (even though that's not good). It's not the bad acting. It's not even the fact that their entire purpose is to put fear into the viewer (which, spiritually speaking, is generally considered a bad thing).

(Did I mention I like Facebook better than MySpace?)

No, the problem is their predictability. Here is my hypothesis:

98.6% of modern horror movies are a loose plot with stale characters, on which a series of "stock scenes" are hung.

To prove my point. Here's how to make your own horror movie (if you are interested).

1. Pick your setting. I recommend doing this first because it makes steps #2 and #4 easier. A spooky and/or creepy location is preferred. Or, at times, an everyday location can be effective because of the juxtaposition of horror with everyday life. Your choice.
2. Pick a villain. The villain should somehow relate to #1, the location. It would be somewhat silly to have a killer scarecrow haunting a space station. No wait...I think I've seen that one.
3. Determine why/how your villain exists. Was he created by an experiment gone wrong? Maybe he was unjustly murdered. Was he (or she) the victim of a bizarre electrolysis accident? Did someone build something on top of his/her graveyard/burialground/tomb? You get the idea.
4. Pick your victim group. Group of teenagers? Average family (with at least one cute kid)? Stranded travelers or vacationers? Just moved into town? Again, this should probably relate to #1.
5. Select several scenes from the stock set of horror movie scenes (to be detailed in upcoming blogs). This step is totally independent of steps #1 - #4. It doesn't matter if the setting is a farm town or an urban mall. The scenes are all the same.
   
6. Type a rough outline of points #1 - #5.
7. Film the movie.

I believe it's that simple. Tune in next time, where we will discuss the first of the "stock scenes".

Bonus thought:
I used the phrase "tune in next time" in the previous sentence. I wonder if in ten years teenagers will even understand where that phrase came from, or even what it means? There will be no analog television. Most will listen to music on iPods, the internet, or satellite radio, so there will be no radios to tune. In their day-to-day lives, there will be no "tuning" involved (unless they play the clarinet). I'm old enough to remember really tuning our TV. For the UHF channels (that's the higher numbers, for you young'uns out there), you actually turned a dial on the TV to hone in on a particular channel.

Just thinking.