Courtesy Wash - Part 2

Okay, if you haven't read the first part of this two part post, you might want to go back here and read it. In fact, I would definitely encourage you to do that.

I'll wait...

Alright, now that you are back from reading the other post, let's get started with the missing lost episode of Seinfeld. Now, of course, this is not really a lost of episode of Seinfeld. It's something I made up in my little brain.

If you are a fan of Seinfeld. try to imagine Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer saying the lines. It makes it funnier. I promise. If you've never seen Seinfeld, and don't know who these people are, imagine your mom, dad, kindergarten teacher, and mailman saying them. Totally different effect, but still possibly funny.

Here we go!

First, let me set the stage...

George, accidentally does something extremely hygenic. A woman, who happens to be totally obsessed with cleanliness notices, and is attracted to him because of that. They date a few times, and everything appears to be going well. Our scene begins with George and Cleanella (just made that up) at a restaurant eating dinner. George excuses himself to the restroom and returns shortly thereafter.


SCENE: Restaurant

George returns from the restroom and sits at the table with his date.

Cleanella: "George, I've really enjoyed the time we've been spending together. I feel like I've..."

At this point, Cleanella has reached across the table and taken George's hand. She pauses in mid-sentence.

Cleanella: "Your hands are dry."

George: "Yeah."

Cleanella: "You just went to the restroom."

George: "I dried them off."

Cleanella: "Do they have an air dryer?"

George: "No."

Cleanella: "Then they should still be damp. Did you wash your hands at all?"

George: "Of course I..."

Cleanella interrupts.

Cleanella: "Did you?!?"

George: "I did."

Cleanella turns George's hand over and looks at his fingers.

Cleanella: "Your nails!"

Cleanella jumps up from the table and storms from the restaurant as George calls after her.


SCENE: Jerry's apartment

Jerry: "She just walked out?"

George: "Got up and walked out."

Jerry: "Stormed out of the restaurant?"

George: "She was a veritable tempest of anger, Jerry!"

Jerry: "A tempest? Wow. What do you think set her off?"

George: "I don't know. Everything was going fine. I went to the can, and when I came back she started yelling about my hands not being damp and left."

Jerry: "Your hands? Did she think you didn't wash your hands?"

George: "Well..."

Jerry: "Did you wash your hands?"

George: "Well..."

Jerry: "George!! I can't believe you blew it over something that simple. Why didn't you just do a courtesy wash?"

George: "Courtesy wash? What's a courtesy wash?"

Jerry: "You know. A courtesy wash."

George: "Never heard of it."

Jerry: "Sure...you just run your hands under the tap, get them a little damp, dry them on your pants...courtesy wash."

George: "No one does that! That's crazy!!"

The door flies open and Kramer slides in.

Kramer: "What're you guys talking about?"

Jerry: "George here has never heard of the courtesy wash."

Kramer does double-take at George.

Kramer: "What?!? That's something every boy learns in junior high. It's one of the first ways we learn to beat the system."

George: "You've heard of this?"

Kramer: "Heard of it? I do it almost exclusively. I find that restroom soap causes my hands to chafe."

Jerry: "See there...courtesy wash."

George: "Why didn't you guys tell me?"

Jerry: "We just assumed you knew!"

Elaine enters the apartment.

Elaine: "Hi guys."

George: "Elaine, have you ever heard of a courtesy wash?"

Elaine: "A what?"

Jerry: "George!"

Kramer: "You don't talk about that in front of, you know, women..."

Well. If you've watched Seinfeld, I hope you can picture those scenes in your head. If you haven't watched Seinfeld. Sorry I just wasted ten minutes of your life.

To waste a few more seconds of your life, go to Google and do a search for "courtesy wash".