Big Announcement Today!

Well, today I was officially asked by my pastor to speak on Sunday, September 28th, while he is away in India. That's an incredible honor, and something I take very seriously.

It's funny. I've spoken in public, both in and out of the pulpit, more times than I can count. But there's something about a Sunday morning service that always really makes me do a gut check. I have this tremendous sense of responsibility.

I've pretty much gotten past the feelings of needing to impress anyone with my latest "heavy revvie" (that's "heavy revelation", a slang term for "deep theology" I use sometimes), my elocution, vocabulary, or my wit and humor. Now it really comes down to me not wanting to waste A) everyone's time, and B) the opportunity that God has given me. Here are "X" number of people, and I have about an hour to share something with them that hopefully will impact them in a positive way.

And when I speak to a new group, I always go through this process. First I think, "I'll pull out something I've taught in the past that seemed very effective/relevant (ie. popular)!" Kind of a "hit them with my best punch" idea. This usually lasts for about 2 minutes.

Then I think, "But wait, that'll probably come off stale. I need to speak from what I am personally going through right now. That way it'll be more from the gut." That lasts for about 6 minutes.

Then I always come back to, "I just need to pray about it."

It's funny, when I pray about it, sometimes I end up doing the former, sometimes the latter, and sometimes I get something totally new just for that specific occasion. Imagine that, God knowing better what to say to his people than me...

Better go. I've gotta go start reading the Bible and studying and stuff...

And Then...

After our day started kinda in the toilet, I went to work tonight! That was cool...

Until I slipped on the wet floor and fell. Hard.

So, I think I'll head back to the recliner now.

Fun Day

Well, this time, the title was sarcastic...

Today, my wife and son and I were cleaning up in the front yard: blowing leaves off the driveway, picking up some sticks, etc.

Fun Thing #1:
My wife noticed that my car (which i part on the street because our garage is a converted carport and can't hold both cars plus be storage) had been hit and my rear tail light assembly was broken. Drat! Looking on line, it looks like most of my first paycheck from the Hut will go to that.

Fun Thing #2:
Shortly after that, my son and I went in (he was getting nappy), and my wife decided that she was going to finish up just a bit. A few minutes later she came in calling for me to come help. I went into the kitchen to discover that she had uncovered a nest of wasps while raking leaves. Long story short: she was stung on the ear, lip, side, knee, and ankle. They were very painful. Thankfully, she is not allergic, so other than a little swelling and a lot of pain, she's fine.

What a fun day!

Something Serious for a Change

My friend Jeff has been blogging for the past several months. I read Jeff's blog religiously (haha...it can't all be serious with me writing it), because a) he's my friend, b) he's a good writer, c) he often makes some great points, d) it's interesting to see where this journey is taking him, and e) I figure if I read his, then he'll read mine and that will raise my visitor count. :)

A couple of Jeff's recent posts, this one and this one, have been in reference to the "Lakeland Revival". In case you haven't heard, you can read a summary article from Wikipedia (a reknown source for information) here.

The long and short is this: there are ongoing "revival" services at a particular church. Many said it was a modern-day move of God. Many were critical. Hundreds of thousands came to visit. Many claimed to be miraculously healed. Now, the leader of the "revival" has had to step down due to marital difficulties. Lots of people have strong opinions regarding this.

Me? It just makes me sad. Not just the leader stepping down, but the whole thing in general.

What I see is lots of money, lots of effort, and lots of time all thrown toward an event. I am sure that most, if not all, of the people involved were sincere. The same could probably be said for the people that attended. I would LOVE to see a huge revival/move of God sweep the nation and the world, but I just don't see it looking like what I've seen during this and other "moves". In my experience (and I have experienced two of the major ones in recent years), these "moves" always seems to be inward focused on the church.

A while back, Jeff tagged me as part of a syncro-blog, to write "A Manifesto for Church". My manifesto was simple. "Love God, love your neighbor." Like I said, simple, right?

For some reason, we struggle to do that. It seems to come out more like "Love church, love your congregation". We end up "doing" church instead of being "the church". I know that I am not by any means the first person to say that, but it just gets driven home more and more. We love a revival. We love the excitement of it. Jeff actually blogged about something similar today.

William D' Artega wrote a book called Quenching the Holy Spirit, and in it he talks about Phariseeism, and how it always tries to rear its ugly head. He basic premise is that "revivals" tend to progress through these stages:

1. God moves.
2. We think it's cool.
3. We try to reproduce it in our own power.
4. God quits moving the way He was.
5. We keep doing it anyway.
   

Subconsciously we think, "Okay, service was great today. Especially when we did this, this, and this." So, the next time in, we do this, this and this again, hoping for the same results. Sometimes I think that the problem is that the congregation also saw what happened when we did this, this, and this, so they've now learned the appropriate response. Before you know it, what was "fresh fire" has become going through the motions.

--

Well, enough of this complaining. Believe it or not, I am not down on the local church, or the church in general. I attend a local church. I love it. The pastor is great. The people are great. We strive to reach beyond the walls of our "church". Is it perfect? No. Do we still have to resist the tendency to become liturgical and religious, despite the fact that we are a very laid-back, non-traditional church? Yes. Do we do stupid stuff? Yes. Do we get right sometimes, too? Absolutely!

Now, am I a part of the "emergent church"? Probably. Am I part of the institution? Yes...and at the same time! Do I have all the answers? Of course not! I don't even have most of the answers!

But I know this: I want to love God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, and love my neighbor as myself. So, there you have it.

The WWW - What An Incredible Time Saver!

(With a title like that, everyone will be reading this blog!!)

My wife and I were just discussing today about how convenient the wealth of information on the World Wide Web is in everyday life. No more phone books or encyclopedias! The world is at our fingertips.

Here's some examples of what I mean:

1. Look up the price of dimensional lumber at Home Depot - 4 minutes (Decided to check my email since I was already on the computer - 48 minutes (cats in clothes are so cute))


2. Needed a phone number for the IRS - 2 minutes (Checked my Facebook page to see if I had any new friends - 72 minutes)


3. Paid a bill online - 5 minutes (Clicked on ad on bank page...apparently, even though I am in a debt management plan right now, I can get a home loan for 100% with no money down - 17 minutes)


4. Checked my work calendar to make sure I don't have to be anywhere first thing in the morning - 1 minute (Hopped onto YouTube real quick - someone had told me about a really funny video involving yogurt, ostriches, and an oil filter wrench - 97 minutes)


5. Did a Google search wanting to read up on Michael Phelp's latest victories - 10 minutes (Instead, ended up reading about the history of the Olympics and the greatest medal Olympic champions of all times - 51 minutes)

See what I mean! A great timesaver!

They Raised the Minimum Wage!!

Effective July 24th, the minimum wage in the good ole U. S. of A. was raised from $5.85 an hour to $6.55 an hour. I, personally, am happy about that.

"Why?", you ask. (If you didn't ask, for the sake of this blog, let's pretend you did.)

"Because I now earn minimum wage!", I reply.

"Really? I thought you had a great paying tech job with a large, regional health care system!", you exlaim in surprise.

"I do", is my response, "but I also have lots of debt, so I picked up a second j0b to help dig ourselves out of the hole."

"Oh!! Now I understand", you state, with a nod of your head.


Apparently, at the pizza franchise that I work for (who shall remain nameless (just don't look at the picture)), the S.O.P. is to start all delivery drivers at minimum wage.

I am a delivery driver + I just started = I make minimum wage

My wife and I are on a fast track to try to destroy our debt. She is currently seeking employment and I have taken this second job. I no longer get a manicure every week, and I've also canceled my subscriptions to Teen Beat and O. More seriously, I am a Dave Ramsey fan, and I believe what the Bible says about debt and the problems that can go along with it, so we're trying to do everything we can.

Sidebar: I won't go into details about how we acquired our debt in this blog. Suffice it to say, if you need financial advice, call me and ask me if I have ever done whatever financial you are contemplating making. If I say, "Yes," then absolutely don't do it.

So...back to minimum wage. I'm making it! Plus $1.02 per delivery and whatever tips I can rake in.

Sidebar: The first time I worked at a pizza joint was 1989. Yes, that's almost 20 years ago. I'm aware of that fact. Back then, I started at minimum wage as well: $3.35 an hour.

The point of this is, that now that I am making $6.55 an hour at my second gig, I've suddenly have a different perspective on the money I spend. Allow me to elaborate.

• eating a combo meal at McDonald's: 1 hour of work
  
• going to the movies: 2.2 hours of work
  
• every tank of gas for my car: 9 hours of work
• buying a new pair (of relatively inexpensive) shoes: 10 hours of work
  
• watching UFC 90 on PPV: 11 hours of work
  

That makes me think before I buy that $1.49 drink at the gas station. (I still buy it, but it makes me think first.)

Terror-In-A-Can Part V

Well, if you are just now joining us, ignore this post and wait for the next one, or start back on Part I. Alternatively, ignore my instructions and read on!


Coming soon to a theater near you: The Mine!!

Here's where I'm going to take my 4 previous posts, and in (literally) the time it takes me to type it, write a modern day horror movie. Here we go:

From Part I, we have the steps of how to do this. Steps 1 through 4 are as follows:

1. Pick your setting: An old mountain cabin that just happens to be near an abandoned mine shaft.
   
2. Pick a villain: Jacob Johnson, former miner from back in the day.
   
3. Determine why/how your villain exists: Jacob discovered that was radioactive ore in the mines. When he tried to bring it to public, the bossman threw him down a shaft to his death (or so they thought). He still thirsts for justice. (Don't forget to squeeze in a way to explain this.)
   
4. Pick your victim group: A group of college kids getting away for the weekend. Two couples: Sue & Jim, Bob & Peg.

Wow! That was easy. (Props to Bob (not the character in the movie, my real-life friend)) for the idea of using a mine.

Step #5 is to pick out several Stock Scenes. I've listed the choices below. Add a little filler, and you have a movie.

Stock Scenes:

1. The False Reveal
2. The Walk By
3. The Peak
4. The Marco Polo
5. Weapon, Weapon, Who's Got the Weapon?
6. The Marathon
7. The Not Quite Dead Yet

The group arrives and checks out the cabin. While they are all unpacking and checking out the cabin, (#3) we switch from 3rd person view to 1st person of someone looking in the window watching the frivolity and the couples kissing/horsing around a bit. Filler goes on for a bit, then later that evening, Jim invites Sue to "go for a walk"...at night.

They grab a flashlight and head out. Jim, being the funny guy that he is, turns off the flashlight and hides from Sue. She begins to look for him. (#4) "Jim...where are you, Jim?" You get the idea. It's a fairly moonlit night, and Sue stumbles upon the entrance to a mine. Huh? Whattya know? A mine. Here. The mine is mostly sealed up, but there is a door, and the lock appears to be broken. She thinks she hears something from inside the door and knows it must be Jim hiding from her. (#4) "Jim, quit fooling around, I know it's you."

(#3) We see Sue from a 1st person view through some cracks in the boards used to wall up the mine entrance as she walks towards the door. She opens the door and WHAM!!(#1) Nothing! Whew!! Sue turns around and WHAM!! There's Jim. Haha! Jim's so funny! At least he thinks so. They both turn arm in arm to go back to the cabin and WHAM!! There's Jacob the radioactive but not-quite-dead miner. Jim immediately meets his end. Sue takes off running (#6) back to the cabin. She manages to leave the flashlight (#5). She looks back and see Jacob heading after her. She keeps running. She looks back. Yep, Jacob's still there. She puts her head down and really takes off. She looks back...he's gone! She turns back around and WHAM!! There he is. Two Victims down.

Back at the cabin, Bob and Peg have continued their frolicking. We get a brief glimpse (#3) through a window, and then we are inside with them.

"Where have Jim and Sue gotten off to?", one of them wonders. This is usually done by whichever one has previously been established as being the "level-headed" one.

"I don't know and don't care" is the reply of the "irresponsible-party" one replies.

After a suitable amount of time (filler), and a few more Stock Scenes, our intrepid duo grabs another flashlight and head out looking for Jim and Sue. They find just enough evidence to lead them to the mine (where Jacob has hidden their friend's bodies, of course). They enter the mine in spite of the obvious stupidity of it. As they are walking down the mineshaft away from the camera, WHAM!! (#2), Jacob crosses right in front of the camera. The both spin around, and of course just see some dust moving.

Bob tells Peg to be careful, that the old mining cart they found may not be safe (foreshadowing is also important in any movie). After a few more WHAM!!s, Jacob the miner has Bob and is about to do him in. Peg runs back to the aforementioned mining cart and manages to release the brake. It rolls down the tracks, Bob jumps out of the way just in time, and Jacob gets knocked off into a bottomless (not really) mineshaft and everyone is safe.

Peg runs over to Bob and helps him up. They hug. Peg reaches down and picks up the dropped flashlight (#5). As she stands back up, WHAM!! (#7) A hand comes up over the edge of the drop-off and grabs Bob's leg. At this point, Bob's fate is determined solely by the director. Let's just say for our little story he kicks at Jacob's hand a few times and they escape.

THE END


This completes step #6, which was to type a rough outline of the movie.

Now I just need to do step #7: film it.

Terror-In-A-Can Part IV

This is the 4th (and penultimate) blog in a series that I have done around the little joke that all modern horror movies are pretty much cut from the same mold. You can start back with Part I here if you want. Or you can catch up with Part II or Part III.

This blog will cover Stock Scenes #4 and #5, known respectively as , the Marco Polo, and Weapon, Weapon, Who's Got a Weapon?


Stock Scene #4: The Marco Polo

Who hasn't played Marco Polo in a pool as a kid growing up? One person is "it", and closes their eyes and says, "Marco!". Everyone else is supposed to respond with a hearty, "Polo!" Then the "it" person attempts to catch someone by sound alone.

In the modern horror movie, it plays out this way. The Victim, let's say a young girl, steps out onto the front porch...at night. "Johnny? Johnny...where are you? Quit playing around Johnny. Johnny? Is that you?"

You get the picture. Eventually, either A) Johnny jumps out and scares her and everyone laughs, or B) another friend jumps out and scares her and everyone laughs, or C) The Villain jumps out, scares her and...well you know how this usually ends.


Stock Scene #5: Weapon, Weapon, Who's Got a Weapon?

This is a simple rule of modern horror movie making: if a Victim has a weapon, he/she must be separated from it at the worst possible moment. This also applies to any light source.



That gives us Stock Scenes #4 and #5. I'm going to plow ahead and wrap the scenes!



Stock Scene #6: The Marathon

You are correct. You guessed it. The running scene. To keep it simple, this is where the Victim is running from the Villain. This usually ends similarly to Stock Scene #4. The Victim is running, running, running...the Villain is behind them (usually walking, but managing to keep up somehow), running, running, running...the Villain is behind them...running, running...the Villain is in front of them!! Or, it could be a friend. Either way, you get a nice, good startle out of it.


Stock Scene #7: The Not Quite Dead
This scene is really in two parts. You kill them, everyone's finally safe...and then BAM!! They jump back up. They keep on coming back like a bad rash. So the Victim usually has to dispatch of them at least one more time.

Every great Villain is notoriously hard to kill. That's because of one reason: sequels. Why go through the trouble of reinventing the wheel when you can just bring the Villain back to life and feed another set of Victims through the wringer? It saves time and money.


Next time: the Movie!!

Terror-In-A-Can Part III

Alright, if you are just catching up, you probably want to read Part I and Part II of this blog series. If you do, this blog will probably make more sense. Alright, as promised, here come stock scenes #2 and #3.


Stock Scene #2: The Walk By (or Pass By)

The walk by is a simple scene. It typically goes something like this. The Victim comes out into a hall and starts walking away from the camera. Suddenly, and without warning, and in all other ways unexpectedly, someone/thing Walks By in front of the camera. Most of the time I have found it to be from right to left, but I think that left to right is almost as effective.

The director has two choices at this point. He can either just plow on, or, alternatively, he can have the Victim spin around, as if he/she heard the Villain passing by. Of course, the Victim won't see the Villain, but there may be signs of the Villain's passage: a fluttering curtain, something rolling on the floor, a door closing, etc.

This usually happens 2.7 times in a movie. Some movies will use it more extensively, depending on the Villain, and how secretive the Villain's true identity is.

Now, this doesn't always take place in a hallway. It could be an open doorway. Between two buildings. A myriad of places. This is all dependent on the setting that you pick in Step 1 of Part I.

This can be incorporated easily with Stock Scene #1. The Victim does a False Reveal at a window, then as the Victim turns back to the camera, and you throw in a quick Walk By. Very effective for that "double-bump".


Stock Scene #3: The Peak

The Peak is the classic Stock Scene where the Villain "Peaks" at the Victim. The camera perspective switches quickly from a 3rd person view, to the 1st person view of the Villain. Common places this happens are: the shower, while a couple is making out, and swimming (assuming there is skinny-dipping involved). Notice a theme there? I never said that modern horror movie makers had any couth. Looking through a keyhole is popular choice.

Another common place for this to occur is anywhere that is "lair-like", meaning, the Villain's Lair. For example, the Victim goes down into the basement (which we all know is secretly the Villain's hide-away), and suddenly the camera switches angles, and we are viewing the Victim from behind some old shelves, or through an A/C grill...you get the picture.


Expect to see both of these Stock Scenes in any horror movie made since 1980.

Next time, Stock Scenes #4 and #5, known respectively as , the Marco Polo, and Weapon, Weapon, Who's Got a Weapon?

Terror-In-A-Can Part II

Here we are...part II of a multi-part blog. If you've neglected to read the first part, you really oughtta. Not because it is life-changing or anything, it just doesn't make sense to read part II before you read part I.

These next couple of blogs will involve the "stock scenes" I mentioned in part I. These are the scenes that always pop up in modern horror flicks. For explanation's sake, I will refer to the bad guy as "The Villain", and any of his victims as "The Victim". Clever, huh? These scenes are in no particular order, other than the order that I type them.


Stock Scene #1: The False Reveal

This scene goes something like this. One of the victims hears something in another room, outside the window, etc. The slowly walk to the door/window as the creepy violin music ramps up. The grab the door/window and...open it to reveal nothing. Whew!! They narrowly escaped some terrible demise.

Some amateurish movies will stop here. However, the pros will add what I call the "double-bump". That goes like this: Once the False Reveal happens, and the victim laughs to themselves, the turn around and...BAM!!! There is something/one behind them! Now depending on the movie maker's choice one of the following 3 things will be behind them.

1. The Villain - of course, that means that the Victim is now dead.
2. Another Victim - and they both laugh or one slaps the other and says "Johnny!! Why are you always sneaking around." - something like that.
3. The Villain Unrevealed - this is the mastercraftsman's choice. It's the old caretaker, or the neighbor, or someone other than a Victim. Now, you know he's the Villain, but the Victim doesn't, and for some reason the Villain is not ready to do his dirty work.

I'm calling this Stock Scene #1. Keep a look out for it in a horror flick near you. (Though I am not encouraging you to watch lame horror flicks.)

Next time we'll tackle scene #2, The Walk By, and scene #3, The Peak.